A Photo Essay Of Sorts

Looking back at my posts here on Wolfbiker, I’ve realized I’ve been lacking something… Color! Flare! Panache! Of course I mean pictures! I talk about all this whacky, zany stuff but what does funny metal stuff really look like? Well…let me show you. I’ve scoured the internet (a little more than half-assedly) looking for photos of what I see as the goofy things that happen in metal. Given that I’m at the whim of what’s already out there, the following pictures characterize some of the more humorous aspects of a musical genre that is sometimes mislabeled as serious.

My first example is probably one of the most outlandish minds in metal, Adam Dutkiewicz (known lovingly as Adam D). Whereas he’s one of the most influential, talented, and anal retentive producer/engineer/mixers out there, on stage with his own band Killswitch Engage he is the biggest caricature of the metal genre there is. Everything he does is so outlandish and overstated that it can’t possibly be taken seriously…no matter how you spin it. Don’t be fooled though, this guy is a fantastically talented musician with a stranglehold on songwriting, music theory, and ultimate shrediness. For seriously.

Scrawny white guy wearing a cape flexing non-existent muscles? Sounds familiar… Note the neon green taped arrow pointing at his hand so you’re sure not to miss how awesome his shredology-ism is.

Viking helmet? Short shorts shorter than the boxers he’s wearing underneath? Licking the guitar he so shamelessly shreds proving not only his technical prowess but also his ability to do so while emulating the 80s hair metal that inspired him? Stupid stuff written on his guitar in tape? Check. Check. Check. Check.

Oh the denim rock god strikes. Taking the image of the “heavy metal guy who has rips in his jeans but doesn’t care because he’s so metal” image to the next level. Left the cape in the tour bus? A problem for mortals! Make do with what you have! …in this case, apparently a blow-up doll.

Metal and fire go together like koalas and cuteness. Greg Puciato from The Dillinger Escape Plan demonstrates this at some outdoor festival. Note the guitar player’s neon pink guitar…I’m pretty confident color totally effects the sound of the guitar. Probably has a bright tone. Punny.

This is Mike Schleibaum of Darkest Hour. Metal’s ultimate “dude.” The guy is a total gear head and can and will talk anyone’s ear off about tone, pedals, guitars, amps, or ANYthing really. Anyway, the guitar company Washburn made him a custom guitar named the Dude. They eventually made him a second one…called the Dude II. Note the headstock truss-rod cover.

I saw the Bled once at the House of Blues where the stage has a drop down curtain. When the first song started RIGHT as the curtain pulled open, this is what the crowd saw. Aside from having a full frontal assault of raucous hardcore to the face, there seemed to be something horribly wrong with the singer. Soon everyone caught on. You could literally hear the laughter over the music…which was saying something…cuz boy howdy it was loud.

Ken Susi plays guitar for Unearth…really well. Apparently, he also plays the air horn. I like that at a loud metal show, the air horn still makes him wince like a baby.

The Unearth guitar players are just lil’ guys…which makes them perfect for stage antics…like mid-song push-ups, mid-song beer chugging, mid-riff high-fives, and mid-song 100% fun-time acrobatics…like this! Buz McGrath rides John Maggard around like a metal totem pole. Gross. Awesome. Gross.

I’d like to finish this little photo journal with the consistently wittiest and goofiest band I’ve seen. Every Time I Die is a silly band…specifically their guitar players. Andy Williams is a massive loaf of dude with the ability to sneeze facial hair out of his face. To top it off, he’s probably one of the nicest, most genuine dudes ever. For example, he went through an entire US tour advertising the fact that he’d be outside at every show offering hugs. What a teddy bear. Last time I saw them (I think…or maybe 2 times ago?) they took the stage to play their southern rock inspired metal wielding these guitars. Andy played the pink zebra striped one and Jordan played the light blue guitar that has a painted-on caricature of Andy’s face.

Andy also went the entire length of Warped Tour one year making a shirt for each show…here’s one sporting the Queen song/lyrics “Fat bottom girls make the rocking world go ‘round”.

So that’s pretty much that...hopefully you enjoyed the visual hilarity that this music can inspire! Now imagine all this in motion. How can you not laugh?